The first 50

The total now is -- tah-dah! -- fifty. I'm 1/20th of the way to my goal. Impressive, eh? Well, let's put it this way: I have, without fail, made 10 cranes every day for the last five days. And that is something.

Deciding to do this blog was hard because I really didn't want to go public with my, um, anger problem. It's always been my dirty little secret. People don't know the seething cauldron that lies beneath the surface. And I liked it that way. I raged in private, but in public I was calm and smiling.

But it always felt shameful. And toxic. So I tried, also in private, to deal with it. I tried to get rid of it before someone "found me out."

Finally, after trying and failing so many times, I admitted that if I were really going to do something about this anger, I needed to find a way to make myself accountable. I know ... someone already discovered the principle of accountability. Bill W., the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous. (Isn't that his name?) He knew that addicts need support and they need someone to report to when they're on the road to recovery. That whole "sponsor" thing.

Keeping this blog -- and admitting to you that I have an anger problem and I want to do something about it -- will (I hope, anyway) keep me accountable, just as weekly weigh-ins keep dieters honest and 12-step meetings make addicts fess up. For I am, sadly, an addict. My drug of choice? My habit? Anger.

And I really want to kick the habit. I want it out of my life.

So I keep folding these little paper cranes, day after day. Looking for the peace I hope this will bring me.

If you're out there, if you're reading this, please speak up. I need to know that you're watching me, that you're expecting me to keep at this.