800 cranes -- and moving backwards?

I'm worried.

As I pass the 800 mark and draw ever nearer my goal, the anger still flares. What happens if I fold 1,000 cranes and I'm still the same angry person I was when I started? What if I'm forced to admit this was all for naught, that I've failed, that I'll never conquer my anger?

To be fair, it's the holidays. My three children are home from school, alternately bored and bouncing off the walls about Christmas. The noise level in the house has escalated. I'm also deeply depressed about the effect the holidays have on my kids (greed, etc.). I feel like a failure when I see how this soulless, technophiliac culture has sucked them in, despite my best efforts to the contrary.

And yesterday, with Christmas Eve bearing down on us, I finally had to dive into the fray and spend several hours roaming Target to buy all the junk that will make my children "happy." Yuck. I dislike shopping at ANY time of year. Talk about a living nightmare! I had a raging headache by the end of it. And I'm still not done. Must go again, either today or tomorrow.

I'm like a dieter struggling to get through the holiday season without packing on 20 pounds. Only, I'm struggling to get through without exploding 20 times.

But if anger is going to be vanquished, it has to be vanquished no matter what the circumstances or time of year. If I'm to be a peaceful person, I'd like to be peaceful on December 23 as well as January 19 and April 3 and July 14.

Maya Angelou once said that you can tell a lot about a person by how she handles three things: lost luggage; rainy days; and tangled Christmas lights. That's it, exactly. The stress of the holidays is no excuse for losing it. In fact, here lies my greatest opportunity to show who I really am.

Or who I aspire to be.